The Perils of Waking Up Before Your Spouse

*Amendment: There is now a practical pound of dogs kiddy corner to the back or our yard. They ALL bark...Incessantly. This has solved the problem below.

All week I start tallying up “stuff we need to do this weekend”. This habit places me at odds with my weekend as it is then a race to the clock on sunday night to finish all of the “stuff we needed to do this weekend”. If the list is not completed, a self loathing sense of failure enters my being that is then carried over to Monday resulting in yet another mental list of “stuff we need to do this weekend”.

This mental mindset somehow manifests itself deep in my REM sleep psyche by rousing me from my slumber HOURS earlier than my spouse. So what are the perils you ask, as many people would see this as valued ‘alone time’ and something to be desired and cherished?

Let me list just a couple of the ways:

1. We have a small house. Maybe for you McMansion-ers this is not a problem, but in 2000 square feet, there is not a lot of places you can go where your sounds will not be heard.
2. Our house squeaks. Maybe screams is a better description of the moans and protests it makes as I walk around the top floor trying to find ‘quite activities’ to occupy my time until my sleeping beauty wakes up. ’Quite’ activities are rarely if ever on my weekend list. Thus rendering my early morning alone time useless.
3. I count minutes. Today, after trying to stay in bed as long as possible, I exited my resting place at 8:07. It is now 10:14. That is 2 hours and 7 minutes of noisy productivity that I have lost never to be found putting me behind schedule. I like my schedule.
4. No breakfast. That would require noise, beeps and banging to produce.
5. Cant get ‘dressed’. That would require constant entering and exiting from our room. (read #1)

Why not just make my noise and if he wants to sleep he will just have to put a pillow over his head? I dont have a very good answer for that other than, its not polite. Im big on manners, and its rude to be loud when you know silence is necessary for someone in your vicinity to complete their task at hand.

Ahhh, it is now 10:24 and the hibernation of husband is complete… I have list I need to finish and noise can now be made with wild abundance.